A Woman in a Man's World

Posted on: January 4, 2009 1:22 am

Score: 94

I’ve come out of hibernation to write a blog item that presents 2 dilemmas that I’m sure are common in the world today. One is a woman working in a man’s world, and the other is coping with interest in a man you can’t have who you also happen to see everyday on the job. My friend, who I’ll call Jill, is presented with both these dilemmas, and as it turns out, the man she can’t have is part of the problem in the man’s world too.

Jill works for a large company at a relatively high level position. She got hired about 2 years ago based on an impressive resume with years of experience and also favorable recommendations. After a short period of time, Jill’s talent was evident to her new employers, and when a higher level position became available, it was almost immediately offered to her.

I need to mention that Jill is an extremely determined person. I mention this because when she started with this particular company, she was somewhat overweight, but due to that determination of hers’, she gradually lost it all. With her new found figure, she had to buy a new wardrobe, and while she is conservative and tasteful when it comes to choosing clothes for work, she also prefers to be feminine. Nothing wrong with that, in my opinion. I personally don’t think a woman should have to sacrifice being a woman in a male dominated workplace. Anyway, she’s turning a few heads in the skirts she chooses to wear, plus, she’s an attractive woman. I’m comfortable enough with my feminity to say that, lol. She’s not complaining, mind you, because she takes the looks as compliments.

One of the heads she’s turning is a man who’s in a higher position than her. She had some dealings with him at her former position, but now their offices are not only in the same building, but on the same floor. Because he pays her this extra attention, he’s handsome, and he’s just an all-around nice guy, Jill has developed a bit of a crush on him. She’ll never do anything about it because he’s married, but she feels very awkward around him which effects their interactions. So, how does a woman or a man for that matter, handle feelings for a person they can’t have when they have dealings with them almost everyday? I’m sure it happens all the time. On a side note, he doesn’t wear his wedding ring, and I’m curious as to why some men do that. Is it because they don’t want other women to know they’re married? Is it because they don’t like being married? I just don’t get it, but I’m sure there are men on this site who can answer the question.

Now, here’s the other part of the problem with this particular man. If Jill didn’t have this crush on him, she might conclude his looks were a bit lecherous. He purposely walks a little bit behind her to see the view from back there. He’s removed himself from behind someone to watch her walk up stairs. She’s felt a presence directly behind her, and when she turned around, it was him giving her the once over. She basically ignores it because she feels uncomfortable acknowledging it in any way.

As a professional woman myself, I’m always flattered by the looks I get from men I work with or whoever. I’ve also always been of the mind that flirting is fun, and what’s the harm in stroking a man’s ego a little. In fact, because I know my talent speaks for itself, I’m not afraid to help my cause with a little bit of that harmless flirting. There are women, and men too, whose talent is limited and use their charm and looks to get ahead though, so it’s a slippery slope. Should a woman like Jill not wear becoming clothes at work, so everyone will only focus on her talent? Should she be afraid to acknowledge the attention due to the appearance of impropriety? Hopefully, I haven’t lost my readership, and this blog item will evoke some thoughtful discussion.

Category: General

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Ramsince68 Reputation: 94 Level: All-Star Since: Jan 17, 2008	Posted on: January 5, 2009 9:30 am Score: 95 A Woman in a Man's World The not wearing of the ring could be so many different things. Maybe he lost it, It doesn't fit well, It's uncomfortable to him, He may want to stroke some womens curosity. The looks and once overs could mean he just appreciates a nice looking woman, or he could be looking to have an affair. Most often though, and I think you hit the nail on the head, It could be the ego thing. He may not be feeling appreciated at home and is curious to know and needs to be assured that he could still be in the game. Jill would be better off just accepting the fact she has his attention, and realizing she has a lot more guys attention as well, and find a single guy. [ Reply to Comment ]
Be_Nice Reputation: 90 Level: All-Star Since: Aug 28, 2008	Posted on: January 5, 2009 4:08 pm Score: 86 A Woman in a Man's World My take: People should hold themselves accountable their own actions and their own relationships. Recommendation: Maybe Jill could look deep into herself, and discover her own values, what ever they might be, and live her life by them. -SparkyM [ Reply to Comment ]
Smorgie @ the Y Reputation: 98 Level: Superstar Since: Mar 20, 2008	Posted on: January 5, 2009 5:08 pm Score: 94 A Woman in a Man's World As a woman in a high ranking position I feel comfortable commenting. I have had my fair share of sharks taking a look at my wares and some days it is flattering, on other days it is a distraction, and some days it just pisses me off. I have gotten to my position because I am good at my job (I hope) and I feel as though I am treated fairly by most folks in my current position. The men I work with are professionals and I have been fortunate to have had very few issues in my 15 years of professional experience. As for dress at work, when I worked in sales it was important that I dress for success. That meant dressing in a way that attracted attention without being unprofessional. That does not mean slutty. It does mean I should look feminine and as attractive as I can. Flirting is dangerous but is an effective tool in sales. But you have to gauge when you are crossing a line. And that line is in a different place with every person, so be careful. As a senior leader, I dress more for the perception the position requires. Professionalism, confidence and respect. That means another button on the blouse is buttoned, a jacket or sweater over top, skirts to the proper length and shoes that are conservative. At my height ( I am only 5'0") I have to wear a heel to appear taller which is quite a compromise to find a conservative high heel. It means I spend a lot of money on shoes I would rather not own! I do like sexy shoes. On the weekends when my hair is down, I wear my more 'becoming' clothes, those that show off my femininity, highlights my assets and attracts the attention I seek - from my lovers! My advice to Jill is to tone it down a bit and NEVER consider an affair with anyone at work. Only bad can come from it. Talk about a career killer. [ Reply to Comment ]
yankeechick Reputation: 99 Level: Superstar Since: Dec 1, 2007	Posted on: January 5, 2009 8:47 pm Score: 96 A Woman in a Man's World Ramsince, thanks for the insight to a man's psyche. I know I already mentioned the ego thing, but it sometimes amazes me how much of an ego a man can have. They can actually be pretty damn sensitive sometimes, and when you least expect it. You know, men think women are complicated, lol. Be_Nice, nice screenname and deep thoughts there. Thanks. Smorgie, you and I are on the same page. I think you know I'm in a pretty high level position myself, so I understand the need for the line that can't be crossed. Please don't misunderstand though. Jill has no intention of crossing that line and having an affair with a married co-worker. She'd never even consider such a thing. I really don't think she needs to tone it down either. All she does is wear skirt suits or a skirt with a blouse sometimes. We're not talking tight, form fitting stuff, we're talking conservative like J Crew. Should she never ever wear a skirt because men appreciate legs? Her problem is the one particular guy she has a crush on paying extra attention to her legs. She feels awkward around him because of the attention and her feelings which again, she'd never act on. I know my friend. I'm inclined to agree with Ramsince that she should just accept the attention from a guy who just appreciates women and not dwell on it. I guess the real thought provoking questions I'm trying to get at here are why do some men feel the need to flex their masculinity to women they work with by not wearing their wedding ring or giving them the once over or flirting, and can a woman effectively deal with the behavior without overshadowing her talent? [ Reply to Comment ]
silkyslimjr Reputation: 84 Level: All-Star Since: Nov 19, 2008	Posted on: January 6, 2009 3:58 am Score: 72 A Woman in a Man's World There are absolutes in this universe i believe are true. All men are pigs, it's the degree of pigness that seperates them. A man not wearing his wedding ring, could be innocent. How he plays off of it may show his degree of pigness. Another absolute - All women lie. In the same sense, wearing sexy clothes could be innocent, it makes me feel good (for my own benefit, I like to feel confident, but it's still a lie). In all relationships, women have the power, the lie comes from how they use the power. Major pigs will always be major pigs, easy to spot; gorgeous, confident, little bit of a "prince charles" if you know what I mean. Don't fool yourself, go into a relationship with your eyes wide open. Don't lie to yourself, know what you want (or don't want) and stick to it. [ Reply to Comment ]
Sunnysidez86 Reputation: 96 Level: Superstar Since: Dec 31, 2007	Posted on: January 6, 2009 5:33 pm Score: 96 A Woman in a Man's World I think that the guy that has the hots for Jill sounds exactly like the kind of guy who would cheat on his wife if he knew he could get away with it. Us leaches can smell our own. From the sounds of it your friend dresses just fine for the workplace. [ Reply to Comment ]
yankeechick Reputation: 99 Level: Superstar Since: Dec 1, 2007	Posted on: January 6, 2009 8:38 pm Score: 94 A Woman in a Man's World Silkyslimjr, tell me how you really feel, lol. But seriously, I appreciate the honesty. Sunnysidez! How've you been? I doubt you're a leech, can't see it. That's interesting what you say about the guy. Also, yeah, why should a woman have to change the way she dresses if it's appropriate? I mean, to me, if she stopped wearing skirts it would be like hiding herself out of shame or something. [ Reply to Comment ]
Sunnysidez86 Reputation: 96 Level: Superstar Since: Dec 31, 2007	Posted on: January 7, 2009 10:52 am Score: 94 A Woman in a Man's World Well we can't have our pretty ladies dressing up in mumu's all day because if that happens you know.....the terrorists win. lol But just the actions you've described about the guy. Looking is one thing but what he is doing (imo) tells me that he is that kind of guy. I've just seen that type of behavior before and I would consider that crossing the line because you know damn well he wouldn't be acting that way if his wife was even in the same zip code. Also that irriatates us recently single guys as well, no one likes fishing from a small pond. Uh I've been better. Just a real real poopy ending to my year the last 2 months. [ Reply to Comment ]
yankeechick Reputation: 99 Level: Superstar Since: Dec 1, 2007	Posted on: January 7, 2009 8:51 pm Score: 95 A Woman in a Man's World Aw, Sunnysidez, I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time. Things will get better, just give it time, I promise. If you need a sympathetic ear, feel free to message me. You make a very valid point about what a guy would do in front of his wife. If it's something he wouldn't do, he shouldn't be doing it at all. [ Reply to Comment ]
neilp Reputation: 99 Level: Superstar Since: Jan 12, 2007	Posted on: January 7, 2009 10:11 pm Score: 95 A Woman in a Man's World Well, I do not profess to be the oracle here but a guy not wearing a wedding ring could be anyone of a number of things but an awful lot of women it seems want to interpret it that he is on the look out for another woman. I NEVER wear my ring, I hate rings and I am just uncomfortable wearing one, nothing more, nothing less. The dress comments are amusing to me, why do women dress the way they do? If you are not prepared to admit you dress for attention then I think most women and indeed men are merely deluding themselves. In a professional enviroment you absolutely need to tone down the way you dress, there is nothing wrong with being a woman but there are also levels, maybe she needs someone to have a quiet word with her ( and no I would not want to be that person either!!!) He too needs to improve his standards of behaviour ( Maybe someone should have a word with him ) but reading between the lines here it seems to me there is a mutual attraction.. hard to tell from mere words. I don't want to be accused of double standards here his behaviour it seems is highly inappropriate. Men and women flirt.. really!!!! LOL There is not enough room to go into that comment here it would be a series of essays, suffice to say it makes the world go around. Should she be afraid to acknowledge the attention due to the appearance of impropriety? The way the question is asked makes me wonder about the whole situation, if she acknowledges it she is inviting more but maybe that is what she wants otherwise why would you acknowledge such behaviour? [ Reply to Comment ]